Matthew 10:34-39
34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
Charles Bing - Grace, Salvation, and Discipleship - Following Jesus, Matthew 10:38; 16:24 (cf. Mark 8:34; Luke 9:23; 14:27)
(Salvation) Interpretation: To "come after" or "follow" Jesus refers to becoming a Christian.
(Discipleship) Interpretation: To "come after" or "follow" Jesus refers to becoming a disciple.
Since these statements from Jesus about becoming a disciple are similar, we will look at them together. We notice that while Jesus was addressing the crowds, the disciples were always present (the disciples exclusively in Matt. 10:1-11:1). Since the disciples were believers at this point (John 2:11), and probably many others in the crowd as well, we should suspect that these conditions address the commitments of a disciple, not the condition for salvation.
Jesus' invitation is to "come after Me," not "come to Me" as in Matthew 11:28 (see the previous discussion). To come after or follow Jesus is the language of discipleship. It speaks of a life committed to Him. It is different from coming to Him for salvation. That these conditions are in the category of (Discipleship) becomes more apparent when we understand the implications of each of them.
The condition mentioned first in Matthew 16:24 (as also in Mark 8:34 and Luke 9:23) is that a person must "deny himself." As always, the context gives us insight into what this means. In both Matthew and Luke, Jesus has just predicted that He is going to suffer and even die. No one wants to die, not even Jesus (Luke 22:42), but He obediently goes to His death because it is God's will for Him. To deny oneself is to say "no" to our desires (good and bad) in order to say "yes" to God's will for us. It is a decision we make as we come to understand what God's will is, something an unsaved person really doesn't know. Clearly, it is (Discipleship) related to the Christian life.
A second condition mentioned in these two passages, but also in Mark 10:38 and in Luke 14:27, is that one must "take up his cross." Again, the contexts in which Jesus gives this condition have, as a background, His own suffering and death. The meaning is certainly not lost on the disciples and the crowds. Jesus is speaking of a willingness to suffer and die and He is inviting others to do the same in order to be His disciples. The emotional impact of His statement is diluted to our modern sensibilities. When the crowds heard the word "cross," they surely shuddered at the thought of being crucified by their Roman occupiers on wooden crossbars exposed to the elements in public, or lining the streets with other offenders and dying a slow humiliating death. In that day, crucifixion was the cruelest kind of death and included social and religious stigmas (such as God's curse, Deut. 21:23).
Though carrying one's cross is strong enough as a condition for discipleship, Luke 9:23 adds that this must be done "daily," suggesting Jesus is speaking not just of someone's physical death, but also a daily willingness to suffer for identifying with Jesus Christ. Now we clearly see why this cannot be (Salvation). How can someone be saved if it requires a daily commitment to suffer and die for Jesus Christ? And how does an unsaved person comprehend what suffering for Christ entails? Besides, salvation is possible because Jesus died for us, not because we die for Him.
The third condition in these passages is simply "follow Me." Again, as with His call to Peter, Andrew, James, and John at the Sea of Galilee while they were fishing, Jesus is inviting people to follow Him as disciples or learners. Normally, a first-century Jewish disciple would literally follow his master, live with him, eat with him, study with him. It meant giving up one's own agenda and goals for that of the master's or teacher's. Since this is obviously a process, not a single event, it cannot be (Salvation).
You can see how confused people can become if we tell them that they can only be saved if they deny all their own desires and adopt God's, are willing to suffer or die every day for being a Christian, and follow God's agenda for their lives. For that matter, we who are Christians rarely keep these commitments fully. For us, they are goals that guide our hearts as we seek to fulfill them perfectly. But to make such criteria conditions for unsaved people to obtain salvation will only result in doubt and insecurity about measuring up on the one hand, or pride because they think they have on the other. Salvation is not about our commitments and suffering for Jesus Christ; it's about His suffering and commitment to us.
You might wonder why those who are called disciples are given conditions for discipleship. The answer to this is that discipleship is a process, not an accomplishment; it is a journey, not a destination. The end goal is Christlikeness (Matt. 10:25), something that cannot be fully achieved in this life. There is a sense in which every disciple is challenged to be more of a disciple. Peter was challenged to follow Christ several times after his initial decision at the Sea of Galilee, with each challenge demanding more of a commitment. For example, one of the last challenges, which Jesus gave after His resurrection, was for Peter to follow Christ after he was told the manner in which he would die (John 21:19). For Peter, that certainly contained a specific commitment he had not yet encountered. For each of us as Christians, Jesus Christ challenges us to move to the next level of commitment, something that is relative to where each of us is at the present. We can always become more of a disciple.
Charles Bing - Grace, Salvation, and Discipleship - Finding Your Life, Matthew 10:39; 16:25-26 (cf. Mark 8:35-38; Luke 9:24-26; John 12:25)
(Salvation) Interpretation: If a person lives for himself, he will not gain salvation or he will lose salvation. But if a person forsakes his selfish desires, he will gain eternal life.
(Discipleship) Interpretation: If a believer lives for himself, he will miss the abundant life that God has for him. But if he forsakes his selfish desires, he will find the abundant life.
These statements explain why the invitation to discipleship that we discussed above should be accepted. Whoever does so saves his life, or his soul. Immediately, when some hear the language about saving (or losing) one's soul, they assume a (Salvation) interpretation, taking it as a reference to salvation of one's spirit from hell. This is a problem created by the English translations of the Bible.
The word soul (psychē) is the same word translated life in these passages (which is how some Bible versions translate it). It refers to life in its essence, the immaterial part of a person comprised of mind, will, and emotions that forms one's identity. Your life is who you really are. This statement is helpful because it uses the word "himself" for "life:" "For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?" (Luke 9:25).
It is also important to understand how the word save (sōzō) is used. As discussed earlier, it does not always refer to eternal salvation. It simply means to deliver, to preserve from some danger or loss. Usually, we determine its meaning from the context. Here, Jesus has just talked about losing our own desires and subsuming them to His desires for us. If someone wants to hang on to his own desires and agenda in this world ("save his life") he will lose what life is really all about - experiencing the will of God and the fullness of God's life. He may gain everything this world has to offer, but miss the greater experience of God's life now and as a reward in the future (v. 27).
Taken in this way, we see that the word lose (apollumi) is the opposite of save. It does not mean to be eternally lost in hell but has the idea of ruin or forfeit. To lose your life is to ruin it or forfeit what God would have it be. Someone can have eternal life yet waste the opportunity to enjoy life's fullness by living for God now.
If we interpret this statement by Jesus (Salvifically), we miss a profound principle for the Christian life. If we seek the things this world has to offer while avoiding the hardships that can be involved with knowing Jesus Christ, we lose the very quality of life we really desire. It is only by losing our life to God that we get it back fuller and richer than ever. When life ceases to be the issue, life becomes the reality.
We may think it is too painful to give up a consuming habit, a toxic relationship, or our own ambitions and plans. What we will discover is that in losing our life, we find true life - the fullness of God's abundant life now and forever.